On one Thursday afternoon in late August 2022, in the middle of an intense work project, I got up from my desk in my NYC apartment, sat on my bed, and started crying. I didn’t fully understand what was happening. I didn’t really have a reason to cry. Yet, I couldn’t stop crying for the following 8 hours. Confused, scared and quite worried, all I was thinking about were the slides I needed to finish and the client calls I should be taking. Still, I could not force my body to move. Even thought I had no idea what was happening at that time, I knew that my body, finally, said “No”. For the 9 weeks beforehand, I’ve been working 18-hour days, with skipped lunch breaks, high stress, little to no control over my schedule, and switching between work from home with no human contact and early morning flights to Boston and back. But that was only the past 9 weeks. If I evaluated time before that, I would have seen over two years of 80-hour work weeks in a constant emergency mode - many as a part of the US COVID response team - constant crisis, no social support due to COVID lockdowns and inability to fly back home to Europe due to restrictions. And if I was truly honest with myself, I would have remembered years of running start-ups, working with high-powered executives from top Fortune 500 companies on constant emergencies, and traveling across time zones, 15 countries and 4 continents to support the next social impact or government project. Now, I know that my tendency for multitasking, trying to be a “hero”, and prioritizing other’s needs has started in early childhood. I didn’t have such deep understanding in the summer of ‘22.

“I was fine”. Running on fumes, “saving the world” and being there for everyone else.

“I was fine”. Until I wasn’t. Until my body said “Enough”.  

Burnout reached alarmingly high levels since 2020. Due to no official medical coding, it’s often undiagnosed or at best, diagnosed as anxiety, PTSD, or chronic fatigue, among others. It disproportionally affects women and minorities. Gabor Mate, MD, leading trauma doctor, states that over-giving, “multitasking hyper-responsibility”, and “an autonomic, compulsive concern for the emotional needs of others, while ignoring one’s own” are “prominent among people with all manner of chronic illnesses, from cancer to autoimmune disease, and fibromyalgia” (See the book The Myth of Normal for more). Most chronic conditions also disproportionally affect women (e.g. Women constitute nearly 80% of the population affected by autoimmune disease, according to NCBI. Similar statistics exist for other conditions).

My burnout was serious. That random August Thursday started a year and a half of recovery – with symptoms of PTSD and chronic fatigue that was so severe I would collapse for a days after even the gentlest activities such as yin yoga or cooking breakfast. It was scary, lonely and incredibly hard.

With little energy that I had, I spent this 1.5 year in desperate search for help and solutions. I studied with some of the best teachers around the world to understand what burnout is, how to heal it and prevent it. From Western to Eastern Medicine, Peter Levine’s Polyvagal Theory on trauma healing and Nervous System regulation, Gabor Mate’s Compassionate Inquiry, Ayurvedic principles and practices, mindfulness, EMDR, Biodynamic Breathwork BBTRS, and deep energy work with Dear Tribe lineage, among others, I learned, practiced  and embodied some profound techniques and practices that can help with burnout prevention and healing.

With all of these, I not only came back to work - and some exciting GenAI work! I came back to thriving! Last November, I hiked for 20 days in the Himalayas in Nepal and reached 5600m! My body is healthier than ever and I am full of energy, life and creativity.

I created Back to Self and Back to Thriving based on the latest neuro-science as well as holistic, somatic practices I studied and practiced for years. I created a program I wish someone offered me in 2022. I will be bringing the worlds best tools to our programs. Reclaim your thriving.

Don’t wait for your Thursday.

Start taking care of your body, mind and nervous system today.